Sunday, February 28, 2010

Too fast?

I had a friend say to me today that she's impressed with my strength and how well I'm doing even though it's only been 3 weeks since Aidan passed. So that made me wonder.... Am I grieving too quickly?  I miss Aidan more than I can ever express, but that won't bring him back. When I'm feeling down and crying I get this feeling that everything will be okay and that it's normal to be sad. I also feel like someone has their arms wrapped around me. We went out with friends last night and we got to laughing so hard that we all were crying. At one point I almost started crying because I was having so much fun and I thought maybe I shouldn't be. But, that's not me. I love to have a good time and I love to laugh. Besides talking, Aidan heard me laugh more than anything else. While we were in his NICU room doing his hands on care we were constantly laughing. Even on his last day I was laughing while talking to him. Mostly because we were having such a difficult time changing his diaper. :-)

Basically I just want people reading this to know that even though I seem like regular Maggie, I'm not. I know that this is normal and no one is expecting Chris or I to "get over it" by a certain time. I am weak, but I have such an amazing support system that gives me the strength I need to take the next step.

We went to visit Aidan today. We made sure to say hi to Kern, the old guy who's next to Aidan.  I told Aidan that if he gets bored to go hang out with his uncles and all of the other angel babies. I like to vision him up there playing with everyone and then snuggling up with his great grandparents. It's thoughts like that, that make me smile.   

I love you Aidan Christopher



  1. There is no time limit or rules to's all in your own time. I'm glad that you're able to get out and laugh with your friends. I'm sure you will still have hard days, or weeks, but I'm really glad that you're the kind of person who can enjoy the good things out there too. I know that probably didn't come out right, but I am so not that kind of person and I really admire people like you :) Having a good time and getting out and doing things and laughing doesn't mean that you love Aidan any less, or that you're starting to forget him or anything like that. You will NEVER love him less and you will NEVER forget him. You will always be his Momma and he would want you to be happy.

  2. There is no right way to grieve. They say laughter is the best medicine for a reason! You'll have up days and down days, and that's ok too.

  3. I've never lost a child, but from my experiences with grieving I can say there is no "right" amount of time. You will ALWAYS grieve him, even when you are having good days it's not that you have forgotten him, it's that he's giving you strength to get through the days. don't let anyone tell you that you are too happy already or anything like that. You are in my prayers still!

  4. Maggie there have been a LOT of folks praying for you that Gods love will give you comfort...I just think that the times you are able to smile God is GIVING you that comfort...Of course you are still grieving and always will but each person is different. You have a wonderful suport system from family and friends too that a lot of people are not blessed to have.

    LOVE YA!
    Donna D

  5. Maggie, you grieve the way that you want. I do think you are an amazing strong woman. And if having fun is what you need to do, then do it! No one doubts that you don't miss Aidan anymore or that you love him any less.

  6. Hi Maggs. I'm not sure if you're referring to me or not, but I know I said something to you yesterday about how strong you're being just a few weeks after Aidan passed away. I want you to know I said that with the best of intentions. There is absolutely no time table for grief, and no "right" way of handling it. I was simply trying to say that I'm proud of you for not giving in to the grief and letting your life completely shut down. I was aching to have fun and laugh after Olivia passed away, but I had some complications from my c-section and was stuck on the couch for the following weeks with way too much time to dwell on what happened. I think its wonderful that you are able to focus on the happy times that you had with Aidan rather than just dwelling on the fact that he's not here. I think you are an amazing woman and I was just trying to give you a compliment :)