Tuesday, October 26, 2010

1 appt down 24 to go

Nugget looked perfect today at my appointment. He was kicking the u/s wand the whole time and just being silly. The cord looks wonderful and so does my cervix. Nugget is a little porker, he weighs 15oz and his belly is still measuring a week ahead. In total he is measuring 4 days ahead, my belly however is measuring a week and a half ahead. It's weird because Aidan, until 28w, measured exactly and never ahead. It does help with the anxiety level, a lot actually. We didn't get very good pictures today, but that's because mr active, well very active. We did get a picture of his nose that is difficult to see, but when I saw the shot, I immediately saw Aidan. The first thing I saw before Aidan was taken up to the NICU was his button nose. So seeing Nugget's button nose was sweet, but sad at the same time.

I love you button nosed Aidan Christopher and mr active Nugget

Monday, October 25, 2010

21 weeks

Your baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot. You may soon feel like she's practicing martial arts as her initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to her activity as you get to know her better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now, and if you're having a girl, her vagina has begun to form as well. 

Yesterday my momma took me shopping and I got 5 new maternity shirts. I think she was getting tired of seeing the same shirts in all my pictures. :-) Well there is a 6th shirt that she ironed for me, but I'll be posting that next week. So here is my 21w picture in one of my new shirts...
Are you happy momma that I didn't cut off my head this time? I was up at 5:30 ( well actually 4:30) and decided to take a shower and do my hair so I could have a decent looking picture. :-)

Oh and for comparison here's what I looked like at 21w with Aidan


Friday, October 22, 2010

2 mini milestones

Okay just 1 mini one and 1 that just kinda makes me feel hmmmm. I don't know how to describe the feeling so I'm sticking with hmmmmmm

1. As of yesterday we 4 months until we meet Nugget. Again cord, it's written down so don't get confused and think it's time 11 1/2 weeks early!

2. There are 8 weeks to go until we've hit the point of when Aidan was born. That's obviously the one that makes me think hmmmmmmm.  My anxiety level is going up, but I'm coping with that.

So there are the 2 mini milestones.
Love you Aidan Christopher and Nuggs


Thursday, October 21, 2010

20 weeks

Baby's digestive system is busy creating meconium (a tarry black substance made of swallowed amniotic fluid, digestive secretion and dead cells), which will fill the first diaper after birth. And, speaking of the diaper situation... baby's genitals are now fully formed!<--------- yes they are and he's not afraid to show them!

Yeah it's a little late, but I looked weird in my other pictures. That or someone was getting ready to walk into the bathroom and I had to take the picture real quick. :-D

I love you Aidan Christopher and Nugget!


Sunday, October 17, 2010

Funeral was yesterday

Yesterday we said our last good-byes to Bud's body. One thing that helped me with Aidan was seeing him in the casket. He didn't look like the little boy I had stared at for 8 days. That helped again with Bud yesterday. Bud's casket was open for a lot longer than Aidan's was and I was just waiting for him to jump up and say psych. The body looked like Bud, but it wasn't the Bud I know. There wasn't a giant smile on his face like Bud always had. It helped with some closure.

So many people told Chris how much Bud loved him and respected him. "Little Bud" was thrown around a lot to let him know the depth. That touched Chris more than anything else. His daughter told me that Bud adored me and even though I knew that, it was nice to hear. We then got in line to head to the cemetery. That was the first time that I have been a part of it. If you know me personally, one of my ways of coping is with laughter. I kept telling the cars that had green lights that they couldn't go and to sit back and relax. I think that helped Chris also to be able to laugh. Bud is in a beautiful location in the cemetery. The sun was shining and as we were sitting/standing there the wind started blowing. It was like Bud was there with us at that moment.

It was difficult for me. I'm still grieving Aidan and I'm thrown back into the depths of grief for Bud. I know that I will come out of this on the other side again. This time I'm taking care of Chris and also trying to be there for Bud's family.

RIP Bud and thank you for everything you have given us.

I love you Aidan Christopher, Nugget and Bud

Friday, October 15, 2010

National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  Please visit IAmTheFace.org to donate, upload a picture of yourself, and show support.  They are trying to get 2,000 pictures from 2,000 women who have experienced loss in order to represent the number of women and families who lose a pregnancy or infant every day. Yup, you read that correctly, EVERY DAY.

Tonight at 7pm, in all time zones, light a candle for anyone you know who has lost a baby. Even if you don't think you know someone, light a candle because there is a very good chance that you do know someone. I will be lighting a special candle for my Aidster and a candle for all the amazing mommas that I've met as a part of this awful club. Without the help of many of them I would be in a much different place. I hate that we have this bond, but I'm so thankful they are in my life.

I love you Aidan Christopher!

Thursday, October 14, 2010


Last night a close family friend lost his battle with cancer. He was diagnosed in March with stage 4 esophagus cancer, so this happened fairly quickly. Bud went to the hospital Tuesday night and passed away Wednesday night at 8pm. Chris and I had a chance to say our good byes, but I wish I would have seen him while he was still conscious. I did most of the talking to Bud yesterday and told him that we love him and we’re so happy he was in our lives. Because of him we were given so many opportunities. Of course I will give back those monetary experience to have more time with him, but we all know that won’t happen.

Bud was a huge part of our support system and now he’s gone. Let me tell you, the 2nd huge loss in one year is not any easier.  It helps slightly that he’s not in pain anymore and lived for 66 years. He left behind a wife, 2 kids and grandkids. Then there is his work family that is struggling along with other friends and family.

I guess life after Aidan has taught me how to handle this type of pain. My little Aidster has a new buddy to play with and I know Bud is up there taking care of all of our babies.

Rest in peace Bud and know that we all love you and miss you so incredibly much.

I love you Aidan Christopher and Bud


Monday, October 11, 2010

19 weeks

Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces, and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato. The hair on her scalp is sprouting. This is a crucial time for sensory development: Your baby's brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that she may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you. 

So we saw Nugget again today and he's looking great. He weighs about 11oz now. Aidan weighed the same at the "big u/s" The tech was a different one. She was very rough and it hurt so badly. I asked if she'd check the blood flow through the cord and even after explaining that my cord failed she said nope. I was not impressed. Apparently my cervix is shorter, but my dr isn't concerned. She said she'll check it again in 2 weeks, but thinks it was a different reading because she doesn't know this tech's way of doing the measurements. Chris and I also thought it was weird the way she measured it. Nugget is still a boy and was very happy to show off the goods. Everything is looking great with him.
We've scheduled out the rest of my pregnancy. I knew that I was going to be monitored much more closely this time, but we didn't think it would be this much. I'm now having ultra-sounds (u/s) every 2 weeks. Starting at 28w I'll be going in twice a week for Non-stress test (NST) and once weekly u/s. Then at 32w I'll have twice a week NST and u/s. I have about 25 appointments between now and February 21st. Dr. B just wants to make sure that if anything happens, they can catch it earlier this time. I'm so thankful for all of these appointments, but I'm nervous about telling work. They are already prepared for it, but I'm still nervous.

Back to Nugget, when I read that he can start to hear us I brought Goodnight Moon back out. I have it memorized so I was telling it to Aidan every once in awhile, but I want to continue reading it to Nugget. I've also started telling Nugget about his big brother. I'm telling the story little by little and will keep telling it to him. I want him to always acknowledge his big brother.

I'm working on another blog post about guilt, but I'm not ready to share it yet. 

I love you Aidan Christopher and Nugget
19w1d pg

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

18 weeks

Your fetus has become amazingly mobile (at least compared to you), passing the hours yawning, hiccuping, rolling, twisting, kicking, punching, sucking and swallowing. And, baby's finally big enough that you'll be able to feel those movements soon.

Well the biggest update that we have is that Nugget's birthday has been scheduled. I have to have everyone write it down in permanent marker so my cord doesn't think we can evict him any sooner. My mom and I decided that my cord got confused without having a set date and figured it was time. So our little nugget boy will be born on February 21, 2011. The c-section is scheduled for noon, but we all know there is a good possibility it will get pushed back a little. Lara~I tried to get the first one of the day per your suggestion, but no such luck. :-)

If you're wondering why we (well I decided) chose February 21st, here's why. Aidan was born on Monday February 1st. that is 2-1 and the 21st is also a Monday and well....the 2-1 of 21. I really wanted to have the date have a special meaning and how much more special could that be.  When I told my ob why I wanted that date she started to tear up a little and said it's perfect and meant to be.

I love you Aidan Christopher and Nugget


Tuesday, October 5, 2010

8 months

Dear Aidster,

Hey sweetie. I can't believe it's been 8 months. Daddy and I were talking about how quickly the time has gone. Thinking of all the things you could be doing at 8 months shocks me. We went to visit Dave and Michelle for Bryson's 1st birthday party. The party was the same day as the walk to remember at home. The local hospitals have a walk similar to the March for Babies every fall. They release balloons and I'm told it's an incredible sight to see all of them go up. Well I didn't want you to be left so Bryson and I sent some balloons up to you. It was extremely emotional to see that little note card being sent up to you. I knew it would be, but I didn't know it would be that much. I couldn't read Goodnight Moon to Bryson because last time it made me a blubbering mess and I didn't want to upset him even more. Poor guy is teething and is sick. :-( Aunt Michelle read it and when we got to your picture she asked him where you were. He pointed right to you. It was very sweet.

As we were driving home, daddy and I both talked about how much we miss you. We miss you every day, but there are some days out of the blue we just get this overwhelming feeling of missing you so much. It's nice that daddy and I are having similar feelings.

I miss you and love you so much sweet Aidan Christopher!

Friday, October 1, 2010

I’d like you to meet someone

I’m pretty sure I haven’t shown any pictures of nugget on here.

2010-07-20 18.25.38

Here’s our blob at 6w

2010-07-31 12.24.13

Our gummy bear at 8w

2010-08-03 16.13.57

This was the first time we saw him dancing around at 9w

I had spotting early on, that’s why I had 3 u/s.



He looks like a pissed off puppy in this picture! The white on his face is his skull. The two black spots on the side of the white is his eyes. Oh and this was taken at 15w


Here he is all tucked up on Wednesday at 17w


Here he is kicking himself in the forehead. The white area is his head, and you can see his foot right in front of it. His other leg is stretched out. See the 2 black areas? That’s his amniotic fluid and that’s where his feet are.


This is my favorite picture. It’s his butt cheeks. Not too surprising that it’s my favorite since one of my favorite pictures of Aidan is his old man butt up in the air during tummy time. He’s on the left side of the picture. His butt cheeks are right next to the big black area. You can see his spine and ribs at the bottom left.

So everyone this is Nugget, Nugget this is everyone.

I love you Aidan Christopher and Nuggs!