Tuesday, September 28, 2010

17 weeks


Baby's skeleton is hardening, changing from rubbery cartilage to bone, and fat is finally accumulating around it. The umbilical cord is getting thicker and stronger,*Do you need me to reread that to you cord? You get thicker and stronger and continue to work!!!!!!! and those little fingers and toes are now topped by one-of-a-kind prints.


Picture was taken yesterday at 17w1d.

I had a dr appt today. Chris wasn’t able to make it so that made me anxious. That on top of the horrible weekend I had, my nerves were through the roof. My blood pressure was high and my dr was concerned. I told about everything lately so she quickly put the doppler on my stomach to hear his heartbeat. We heard a woosh and then he moved so it took her a few moments to find it. It was perfect at 150. She then checked my blood pressure again and it was back to normal. Phew. I go back in 2 weeks for the big u/s where they will make sure all of his organs are in the right spot. Plus checking on the cord.

I love you Aidan Christopher and Nugget!



Monday, September 27, 2010

It's just not fair!

My friend Susan and her husband, already baby loss parents, lost their son yesterday. No one should have to go through this once, let alone twice. Without going into too much detail, their son Matthew Finley was born at 1:51pm from pre-term labor. He passed away a few hours later in Susan's arms. We all thought this was going to be a miracle story and our entire community is mourning the loss of matthew finley.

Susan and Tim, you are loved so much and so are your sweet angels Katie Jane and Matthew Finley. You are and will continue to be in my prayers. I love you all so much


Saturday, September 25, 2010

weekly updates

I decided that I’m not going to do them anymore until I get to 29 weeks. I’m still taking weekly pictures, but I don’t want to do the updates. We already know I have stretch marks, I don’t care about weight gain, soon I’ll be getting more movement, I’ll never miss the things you can’t have while pregnant and my advice to always love your babies.  I know I don’t have to explain it, but I thought I would put some words instead of just the weekly shot of my belly.

This one was taken on Wednesday. I look like I’m standing straight up, but I was so sore I had to take this one quickly.

Here I am at 16w3d

2010-09-22 15.58.53

I love you Aidan Christopher and nugget



Friday, September 24, 2010

Interesting start to the week

For the record, I’ve been trying to write this for a few days but blogger kept deleting what I wrote.

So if I leave for work before 7:05 I can take the highway. Traffic usually isn’t bad and I get to work early. If I leave later I take the backroads. On Monday I decided that even though I was leaving at 7:20, I would take the highway. I’m a very defensive driver, I constantly assume that everyone is going to cut me off. I was in the middle lane and about 5 minutes from work. Cars were merging over and of course the slow poke going 10 under the speed limit was backing up traffic. The car in front of me put on their brakes and so did I. Then they slammed them on and I was back far enough that I could stop without hitting them. Well….that didn’t stop the chick from behind me from rear-ending me. She was trying to merge, turned to check the fast lane and slammed into my car. She was only going about 10-20 mph. Since we were in the middle lane we both tried to move over to get to the shoulder.

I was terrified! My initial thought was oh my God, is Nugget okay? I called 911 and they transferred me to the State police; side note, why is that when I call 911 they transfer me to someone else. Do they transfer the ones who are in labor or actually help them? I told them I was rear-ended and that I’m 4 months pregnant. I told anyone who would listen that I’m pregnant. 45 minutes later the cop showed up. The girl who hit me started primping before he walked up to her car. We sat there for another 30 minutes, we being Chris, he came up to be with me. The cop was complaining about his computer working slowly so he told us he’d call with the information and to get to the dr.

We went straight to the OB and called the office as we were walking into the building. They got me in quickly for an u/s and nugget was perfect. My placenta and cervix looked fine so they weren’t concerned. I stayed home from work on Monday and Tuesday because I was so sore. I’m feeling a lot better now and we’re currently fighting with her insurance. For some reason, even though they have our cell #’s and were told to call those, her agent is calling us at home when we’re at work……………

So here’s two pictures of the slight damage to my car.

2010-09-20 10.20.44 

2010-09-20 10.20.51

Her car was smashed in on the passenger side.

Oh and right after I kept telling Aidan how scared I was and that I needed him to help calm mommy down. A few minutes later, a song that reminds me of him came on.

I love you Aidan and Nuggs!


Saturday, September 18, 2010

Big step

So if we’re friends on TB, you’ve probably already read this. Chris and I drove around some garage sales today. We decided to take a look a baby stuff. Now from my post a week or two ago, this is HUGE! I’ve been able to look at clothes and stuff online, but wasn’t ready to shop. Well we got a bunch of Old Navy and Carters outfits for $10. I was so proud of myself for not having a breakdown.  I’m still not ready for the stores, but it was nice to buy some stuff for Nugget.

The guy who was selling the stuff asked if Nugget is our first and I quickly responded with no. Then he chimed in with how different it is with two kids instead of one. I didn’t say anything, but then he asked how old our first is. I simply said he didn’t make it. He apologized/gave his condolences and then practically ran away to help someone else. It was comforting for me to say nope, he’s not my first even though it made that guy uncomfortable. Again, it’s all about me. :-D

So here are the outfits that we bought…

IMG_2243 Of course we had to get the frog one, even thought it’s 12m size



IMG_2246 Seriously, how cute is that?





There’s some more, but these are my favorite ones.

I’m just really proud of myself for not having a panic attack and running away. Hopefully one 10/11 we’ll confirm that Nugget is still a boy…if not she’ll be a tomboy for awhile. ;-)

I love you Aidan Christopher and Nugget!


Thursday, September 16, 2010

68% of you...

Yes, I know I just said I was going to bed, but I want to post this first. My blog, my rules. :-D

Picture from here
So 68% of you, were wrong. Aidan's going to have a baby brother! Now the tech isn't 100 % sure, but she did say that she's 99% sure. We go back in 4 weeks for another scan and she'll take a looksee around. Nugget doesn't have a name and he won't have one until he's born. We already have 2 out of the 3 names picked out, but we're not telling those. Honestly, just like with Aidan, we don't want other people's opinions. :-)  He's looking great, measuring a few days ahead and the cord is doing it's job. I'm concerned about that, but I'll be more concerned as we get closer to 28w. The placenta is back in the back of my ute so it's not attaching anywhere near my incision, which up until Ashley posted about it, I didn't even think twice about that. The tech scanned him for about 20 minutes and was so patient with me and all of my questions. I apologized for asking so many and her response was "With everything you've been through sweetie, ask anything you want and I will keep scanning him until you're okay." It's so nice to have such an awesome, supportive group of people from my dr's office.

I love you Aidan Christopher and baby boy nugget


2:30 am ramblings

So Chris freaked out this morning after a nightmare. I'm talking grabbed a pillow and started swinging it around. Of course that woke Snoopy and I up. Well...an hour later and he's up in bed fast asleep while I'm wide awake. This isn't cool.  It is giving me a chance to write something that I'm finally ready to write. I don't know if I was avoiding it because that would make it not true, but that's never the case. Aidan has been gone longer then he was in my tummy. Ouch, that just hurts to write. I knew this milestone would pass and I knew it would hurt, but it sucks. I miss my little smushy baby so much.

I've had a few people say "well now that you're pregnant with nugget..." and let me tell you, that stings worse then "God has a plan" or "Everything happens for a reason." Of course until you've been in a pair of baby loss shoes, you never fully grasp how a simple phrase can end up hurting someone. Yes, I am pregnant with nugget now, but the baby will never take away my hurt and longing for Aidan. I know as time moves on the pain will lessen as it already has, but I will never look at nugget as the baby that took away the pain. These pregnancies are so similar that it scares me. Not an all consuming, think about constantly type fear, but I think about it as I lay in bed falling asleep. I think about it when I'm sitting in the waiting room, every 2 weeks, getting ready for the dr to try to find the heart beat. So after this short rambling, I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though I'm now pregnant with nugget, that's never going to be a phrase that will calm my fears. It's just going to come off, to me as a baby loss mom, as saying well now that you are pregnant with nugget you should move on from your loss. It's not going to happen.

Well it's now 3:45 and Snoopy is snoring next to me so I should probably try to get some sleep.

I love you Aidan Christopher and nugget!


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Added a poll

I have an u/s next Tuesday and we're going to have the tech take a looksee. So put in your guess as to what parts Nugget has.

Chinese gender chart says boy
Old wives tale H/B above 160 says girl
So far it looks like I'm carrying the same way that I did with Aidan


halfway to Aidan

Today I am 14w2d, halfway to 28w4d.  I don't know how I feel about this. I truly have no idea what my feelings are. All I know is that Nugget is halfway to when Aidan was born.

I love you Aidan Christopher and my little Nug!


Monday, September 6, 2010

I'm not ready

Some stores this week are having huge baby sales. While in our opinion it's too early to be buying stuff, I'm not ready. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of having more baby stuff in our house. I spent a lot of time in Aidan's room looking at his stuff and that helped, but I don't want more yet. I'm terrified of looking forward to the future too much. The furthest I've gotten is St. Patrick's day and that scares me.
I hate feeling this way. I hate being so afraid of "stuff." I've been pretty calm about everything pregnancy wise, but not so much about this. I know that I need to continue working on this, especially because one of my BFF's showers is coming up in a few months. I still feel guilty about the shower I couldn't go to at the end of February. The mom never made me feel like that and has been totally supportive. So it's just one more thing to add to the list of things to keep working on.

I love you Aidan Christopher and I promise, you're brother or sister won't go running around naked because of my fears.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

A dream about Aidan

The only dream that I've had involving Aidan was the one a few months ago. It was the white light telling me that Aidan is okay. I've been waiting for the night where I would see Aidan in my dreams.  Well last night was my first dream involving him. We had been told that if he survived that he would have some mental delays and possibly some physical ones. In my dream we were back at the hospital to visit Aidan. When we got there I was told that we could take him home that day. When we saw him, he was huge! He had the body of an early teenager, but I remember thinking he was just born in February. He was able to talk to us and knew who we were. He did have some disabilities, but of course that didn't matter to us. What mattered is that we were going to be able to take him home. Aidan had pictures hanging in his room that he drew saying I love mommy and daddy. He also drew a picture of Snoopy.  It melted my heart. After we said goodbye to all of his nurses we finally wheeled him out of the hospital. We got home and then I woke up.

I was sad when I woke up, but a lot of me was so happy to have a dream about him. Albeit it was a little weird.

I love you Aidan Christopher and I miss you so much!

Friday, September 3, 2010

13 wks

Your fetus is forming teeth and vocal cords... savor this, their non-functional phase. Baby is approaching normal proportions, with a head now only one third the size of the body. Intestines are in the process of moving from the umbilical cord to baby's tummy. (Much more convenient.)

About momma

How far along? 13w5d pg

Total weight gain/loss: 6lbs

Maternity clothes? I'm wearing maternity pants

Stretch marks? Just the tiger stripes from Aidster

Sleep: Love it and getting as much as I can

Best moment this week: Hearing nugget on the dopplar 164 beats per minute

Movement: I think I felt some flutters, but I have no idea.

Food cravings: steak or anything that someone mentions

Gender: I'm thinking boy, but everyone is thinking girl

Belly Button in or out? in

What I miss: Nothing and I won't miss anything besides Aidan.

What I am looking forward to: Our next u/s on 9/14

Milestones: I'm in the 2nd trimester now

I love you Aidan Christopher and your sibling Nugget


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

7 months


Hi baby boy. I miss you! Well that's an obvious along with how much mommy and daddy love you! Nothing new is really happening with us, well not that it's new to you because I talk to you all the time.  I'm getting better emotionally bud. I haven't cried in a couple of weeks because I'm constantly happy when I think of you. I can't believe how quickly this month has gone by. I feel like I just wrote to you on your 6 monthday. I have more to write, but I'm not ready to yet. Again, you already know, I'm just not ready to write it down.

I love you so much sweetheart. Not a days goes by that I don't think about you!