Sunday, February 21, 2010

not a good night

Aidan was a nice inside baby when it came to sleeping. I rarely had to get up in the middle of the night, but when I did it was always at 4:30. This morning I woke up from a nightmare rolled over and saw that it was 4:30. I couldn't go back to sleep because I kept replaying the dream over and over. I finally went back to sleep around 6:30 and I had more nightmares. They all involved different ways that I lost Aidan. I decided that I just needed to get up because I couldn't stop crying. I hate that during the day I'm fine, really I'm fine. Yes I have my bad moments, but it's just normal mourning. Yet at night I can have nightmares. I don't have them every night, but when I do they are nasty.

Thankfully I have Aidan's pictures to look to put me in a better mood. Speaking of pictures, I hope to be able to post Aidan's pictures on here. He's so handsome and I want to show him off, but it scares me. I know that it's all in my head, but I promise one day I'll be comfortable with sharing his pictures.

I love you Aidan Christopher!



  1. Don't be so tough on yourself, Maggs! It is not normal mourning, you lost your child and that can never be normal mourning. Normal mourning is when you lose an elderly grandparent or even if a friend suddenly dies in a car crash. Yes, that is super hard. But nothing comes as close as losing your child. I think it is wonderful that your days and mostly peaceful, don't get me wrong. I am just saying that it is okay to feel your feelings. I am so sorry about the nightmares, that is pretty common and nights are the hardest for sure. Hang in there.

  2. I'm so sorry for your terrible night. :-( I've been so sad for you lately. Remember that we're all here for you with whatever you need.

    I also have a super uber special blog award for you. ::HUGS::

  3. I'm sorry, honey! I hope sleep comes easy for you tonight.

  4. You are still in my thoughts and prayers. I cannot wait to see pictures of Aidan. I know you will be able to share them when you are ready for the word to see him! I will pray for a nightmareless sleep tonight.