Wednesday, February 3, 2010

What a roller coaster day

Aidan had his CT scan this morning. The bleed is still there and they decided that there isn't really anything they can do. He's too young and too small to be able to handle surgery. We were told to wait to speak to the neurologist about the test to get more information. The head guy of the NICU tried to explain the pictures and told us that he is very sick and may not make it. Well that crushed my world. I know that there is that possibility, but hearing him say that made it seem like it would be today. I shut down and just cried non stop. I couldn't function and it hurt to breathe. I decided to stop pumping because I didn't want to deal with having my milk come in and having no one to give it to. I honestly thought I only had hours left with Aidan and all I could do was cry.

I decided that I needed to go be with him because he is so active and I want to see him like that all the time. The neurologist met us up there and brought back the hope. She is pleased with his lack of change because that means he's not taking steps back. He has had a few steps back, but everything they do to correct it he's accepting it. She said that we are taking it day by day and that the next 4 days are critical. So much better than the hours that I had in my head. While I know it could be hours it was nice to hear days.

I went from 98% hope to zero and now I'm at a more realistic area of about 60%. I know that's still probably too high, but I have to have that for my son. I'm not giving up on him and I will continue to fight with him. I'm back to pumping because it's what he needs and I have to do this for him.

Thank you for all the prayers and please continue them. I really feel God's presence right now and we are holding on to that very tightly.

Maggs

16 comments:

  1. I'm praying for you and Aidan.

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  2. I cant imagine hearing that! you are in my thoughts and prayers!

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  3. I can't imagine what you, Chris and your family are going through. Continued thoughts and prayers.

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  4. I can't imagine how horrible it was to hear that :( You're still in our thoughts and prayers. I hope tomorrow brings you more good news.

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  5. Praying for you guys. Adian stay strong little guy.

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  6. constant prayers, Amy

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  7. I am praying for you all constantly...My heart is breaking for you over this. I will continue to keep praying and expecting a miracle.

    Donna Dent

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  8. Maggs,
    I just don't know what to say. My heart is just breaking and I just want to cry with you. We are all praying for you, Chris and your little one. Prayer is a very powerful tool and you have lots of it coming your way. Be strong and know that God will never leave you no matter what.

    Luann

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  9. I have been thinking about you and your little one non stop! My heart hurts for you all. I have asked some people at work to pray for your family as well. Hoping for continued improvement in your little man!

    Lindsey Fohrer

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  10. I'm so sad that Aidan had to enter the world this way. We are praying for your little fighter and for you and Chris and all of your family.

    Cam Welch

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  11. Maggie, we are praying for all three of you, especially Aidan. Just hang on. Janet

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  12. Maggie-

    I have been thinking about you and little Adian, praying for ALL of you. It breaks my heart to hear your news, although, I KNOW that he couldn't be in better hands. My son was born early as well, at 3 lbs 8oz, and also was at Clarian North NICU. I honesly feel like I am there with you. You will definitely continue to be on my mind, and heart. I will be praying for you, your family, and for continued strength for little Adian.
    -Abby "Green" Becker

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  13. Maggie- Keeping you and your son in all my thoughts and prayers. Lisa

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  14. Maggie - my heart is breaking for all of the emotions your are feeling right now. I have sat through those days too. You are in my constant prayers. We will all continue to pray for your miracle. Flo

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  15. Maggie,
    Holding your little guy and the family "in the light." Love you all so much! D. Jarvis

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  16. Maggie, My heart breaks for you and your family. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Marsha Davis

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