What a roller coaster day

Aidan had his CT scan this morning. The bleed is still there and they decided that there isn't really anything they can do. He's too young and too small to be able to handle surgery. We were told to wait to speak to the neurologist about the test to get more information. The head guy of the NICU tried to explain the pictures and told us that he is very sick and may not make it. Well that crushed my world. I know that there is that possibility, but hearing him say that made it seem like it would be today. I shut down and just cried non stop. I couldn't function and it hurt to breathe. I decided to stop pumping because I didn't want to deal with having my milk come in and having no one to give it to. I honestly thought I only had hours left with Aidan and all I could do was cry.

I decided that I needed to go be with him because he is so active and I want to see him like that all the time. The neurologist met us up there and brought back the hope. She is pleased with his lack of change because that means he's not taking steps back. He has had a few steps back, but everything they do to correct it he's accepting it. She said that we are taking it day by day and that the next 4 days are critical. So much better than the hours that I had in my head. While I know it could be hours it was nice to hear days.

I went from 98% hope to zero and now I'm at a more realistic area of about 60%. I know that's still probably too high, but I have to have that for my son. I'm not giving up on him and I will continue to fight with him. I'm back to pumping because it's what he needs and I have to do this for him.

Thank you for all the prayers and please continue them. I really feel God's presence right now and we are holding on to that very tightly.

Maggs