I'm so numb right now. I miss Aidan so much, but I know he's in a better place. I feel like I'm going through all the grieving stages every five minutes. I'm bawling my eyes out, then pissed off and then happy knowing that Aidan is in a place where nothing can hurt him.
I just don't know what to do next. All I want to do is sleep and cry, but that won't help. Chris and I recall all our happy moments with him and smile. We laugh when we think about how Aidan would wiggle around and kick his feet out from the blankets. We laugh harder when we think about Aidan peeing on us during our diaper changes. It's those memories that help me get out of bed. It's also knowing that we have to take care of Aidan's brother, Snoopy. Snoop knows that something is wrong and he's been very good at giving kisses and snuggling lots with us.
Eating right now is difficult for me and we all know how much I love food. It takes me awhile to finish my food because I get lost in thoughts. I'm 1.8 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight. It's weird to think that it took me 28 weeks to gain 15 lbs and a week and a half to lose it.
I know that Chris and I will be fine and we'll get through this together. I know that we will have a stronger relationship and stronger marriage because of Aidan.
I love you Aidan Christopher
Maggs
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I am so, so, so sorry for your loss. I was really rooting for Aidan and it breaks my heart to know that you had to say goodbye. Allow yourself to feel your feelings and don't feel bad for that. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteMaggie,
ReplyDeleteI wish I had the magic words to make things better. I'm glad that you and Chris are leaning on each other right now. You need each other now more than ever. And it's okay to feel whatever you are feeling. Aidan will always be in our hearts. We love you!
Elaine
I'm sorry Maggie :( We're praying for you. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI know those feelings Maggie and they are EXACTALY what I went through and continue to go through. Please know that my husband and I are thinking you you guys and praying.
ReplyDeleteMy grieving felt like it changed every second just like you said. One minute I was angry and the next I was accepting (like 1 nano second) the next I was depressed. Your going to learn a new normal and for me it took a LONG time to accept but I am still working on it.
Don't hesitate to email me, I have been thinking a lot about you guys and your little angel Aidan.
nolesgirl724@yahoo.com
www.rubybaby09.blogspot.com
Maggie you have been on my heart so heavily these last few days... praying so much for you- that God would pour out love, strength, peace, comfort, healing... {{♥}}
ReplyDeleteI never understood the concept of losing one's appetite until Jillian died. I'm just now getting back to normal (eating-wise).
ReplyDeleteThis grief is such a roller coaster, but you will get through it. You have so many people pulling for you and thinking of you constantly. I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to.
Maggie, I can't express the sorrow I feel for you, Chris and your families. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. This site has given me the opportunity to know little Aidan from afar. His strength will continue in you and Chris and it's great that you have each other to get through this difficult time. I hope to see you and Chris next time you come to Cleveland. Love, Tracey (Aunt Joyce's daughter)
ReplyDeleteMaggie, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us so sincerely and personally. You express yourself so well, and hearing your heart is precious to us. We grieve with you and pray for you and Chris' own healing and comfort.
ReplyDeleteLove, Donna and Joe
Mags, you are doing a wonderful job. You are so graceful and stoic right now. But remember that it's important to embrace your feelings. If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to be angry, be angry. We are praying for all three of you.
ReplyDelete