Tuesday, March 2, 2010
I had a stupid post started about the diapers that I got in the mail today. Then I realized that no one cares about that. I sat here for the past hour trying to figure out what I wanted to write about. It hit me, I want to talk about Aidan. The problem though is that you all already know all of my stories about Aidan. I wish I had more time to get more stories with him, but I didn't. I keep sitting here trying to remember more things that I may have forgotten about in the hospital. The problem is though is that I didn't spend all of my time in his room. I was told to get rest and recover. I also knew that Aidan needed to rest and he was easily excitable when Chris and I were in the room. Part of me regrets not being there all day every day, but it wouldn't have changed anything. I was only able to touch him during the hands on time so I would have been sitting on an uncomfortable couch not able to touch or talk to Aidan.
I go back to work on Monday. I'm scared and relieved to go back so soon. My back has been bothering me every day and I'm afraid it's going to continue. Luckily I have my trusty heating pad and Advil so I should be good. We're coming up on our busy season so that should keep my mind occupied for about 4 months and while I think about Aidan constantly he won't be the only thing I think about.
I also want to thank everyone who commented on my post about grieving too soon. Me laughing and going forward doesn't make me love or miss Aidan any less. He is giving me the strength to move forward and to start my new normal.
I love you Aidan Christopher