I’ve had some moments of darkness the past few days. Just my natural reaction to change and I’ve accepted that this will happen. What can you expect, the last life changing event was the loss of Aidan. I’ve also had to deal with the consequences of someone very close to me being treated like dirt. That’s enough to make anyone have some moments of darkness, but today I’m happy. I have a new month on the calendar, yes a day early, and it means we’re one month closer to starting to discuss when we’ll start trying for another baby. I’m much more emotionally ready to begin talking about having another baby. I’m excited about the idea of being pregnant again and giving Aidan a baby brother or sister to watch over. I’m looking forward to more tummy time experiences, a different kind of mouth care, sunglass instead of goggles to shield my baby’s eyes from the sun and told my baby as much as I want and when I want.
I will still have bad days and that’s okay. I have many triggers that set me off, but the pain is lessening. This doesn’t mean that I don’t miss Aidan more than anything in the world. It just means I’m allowing myself to heal. I will never ever ever “get over” losing Aidan. I will never ever stop thinking about him daily. I will most certainly love him and tell his story to his siblings until they have it memorized.
I love you Aidan Christopher and thank you for being there to help me heal!