Chris is going back to work tomorrow. My mom is staying with us for the week so I have a ride to see Aidan whenever I want, but I'm still nervous. I've always known that Chris is my rock, but since Aidan's birth I've missed Chris when he's gone upstairs to work on the computer or other silly times. I have to try to not bug him too much since he will have a lot of work to catch up on. Plus we'll be hanging out with Aidan from noon until about 5. Then we'll come home and then Chris and I will be going back for our bedtime hands on time.
After this week I've learned that I'm a lot stronger than I thought so I know that I'll be ok when he's at work. As long as he remembers my code text that means I need to talk to him right away I'll be fine.
Aidan had another good day today and tomorrow he'll be a week old.
Maggs
Sunday, February 7, 2010
A first
I realize that every day we have a ton of firsts, but last night we had a huge first! Aidan had tummy time, meaning that they placed him on his tummy for awhile. I'm not sure how long it was, but the nurse said he handled it really well. He is still very close to breathing room air and they were able to turn the numbers down a little bit on his ventilator. His jaundice also went from 13.3 yesterday down to 10 something. Which is great and that means that they were able to take the bili lights and just have a bili blanket on him. These are great steps in the right direction and while I know that we are going to have set backs I'm very grateful for these steps.
We may see the neurologist tomorrow or she may just pop in to check on him. His head is still measuring the same which makes them believe there is no more bleeding. They just don't know what the pool of blood is doing in there now. His chest x-rays are looking good and the RT's are very pleased with how they look.
We still need all the prayers that you can give to us. Our little man is fighting and we know that with all of your prayers and help from God that we are able to have this time with him.
Lots of love
Maggs
We may see the neurologist tomorrow or she may just pop in to check on him. His head is still measuring the same which makes them believe there is no more bleeding. They just don't know what the pool of blood is doing in there now. His chest x-rays are looking good and the RT's are very pleased with how they look.
We still need all the prayers that you can give to us. Our little man is fighting and we know that with all of your prayers and help from God that we are able to have this time with him.
Lots of love
Maggs
Friday, February 5, 2010
Small update
Well actually there isn't an update. Which is great! Aidan is still critically stable and fighting very very hard for his life. His levels are all staying about the same with minor fluctuations. I've changed a few diapers and I almost got peed on today. I opened up the diaper right at the end of a pee. I'm getting better at it and when he gets home I'll be a pro since I won't have wires to worry about. The nurses have been fantastic in helping me make all of these wonderful memories. Chris hasn't changed a diaper yet, but I think that will be coming soon. He has though, been putting lotion on Aidan and tonight he got to wipe down his eyes and nose.
This afternoon when we were doing hands on time they took off Aidan's awesome shades (I wrote Go Colts on them!) he was looking around. His eyes can't focus, but he would look in the direction of either Chris or I talking. We are so proud of him for being such a fighter! If he doesn't like something that the nurses are doing he lets them know! He is still active even though he is on a constant drip of pain medicine. The medicine is more to sedate him than him being in pain. Since he does wiggle so much they want him sedated to be able to relax and fight.
Ok well I meant for this to be small because I have to go to sleep, but it's hard for me to stop once I start talking about my little man. My mom and I are staying at a hotel tonight right across from the hospital because I couldn't go home. I didn't want to risk getting stranded at home if he needed me. My room faces the hospital which is what I saw when I would look out the windows going to visit Aidan. I miss him so much and I can't wait for tomorrow when I go back and snuggle on him again.
Everyone keeps asking if I need anything and honestly we need the prayers to continue. We can buy anything that we should need, but we can't buy prayers.
Thank you again for all the love and support!!!
Maggs
This afternoon when we were doing hands on time they took off Aidan's awesome shades (I wrote Go Colts on them!) he was looking around. His eyes can't focus, but he would look in the direction of either Chris or I talking. We are so proud of him for being such a fighter! If he doesn't like something that the nurses are doing he lets them know! He is still active even though he is on a constant drip of pain medicine. The medicine is more to sedate him than him being in pain. Since he does wiggle so much they want him sedated to be able to relax and fight.
Ok well I meant for this to be small because I have to go to sleep, but it's hard for me to stop once I start talking about my little man. My mom and I are staying at a hotel tonight right across from the hospital because I couldn't go home. I didn't want to risk getting stranded at home if he needed me. My room faces the hospital which is what I saw when I would look out the windows going to visit Aidan. I miss him so much and I can't wait for tomorrow when I go back and snuggle on him again.
Everyone keeps asking if I need anything and honestly we need the prayers to continue. We can buy anything that we should need, but we can't buy prayers.
Thank you again for all the love and support!!!
Maggs
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
What a roller coaster day
Aidan had his CT scan this morning. The bleed is still there and they decided that there isn't really anything they can do. He's too young and too small to be able to handle surgery. We were told to wait to speak to the neurologist about the test to get more information. The head guy of the NICU tried to explain the pictures and told us that he is very sick and may not make it. Well that crushed my world. I know that there is that possibility, but hearing him say that made it seem like it would be today. I shut down and just cried non stop. I couldn't function and it hurt to breathe. I decided to stop pumping because I didn't want to deal with having my milk come in and having no one to give it to. I honestly thought I only had hours left with Aidan and all I could do was cry.
I decided that I needed to go be with him because he is so active and I want to see him like that all the time. The neurologist met us up there and brought back the hope. She is pleased with his lack of change because that means he's not taking steps back. He has had a few steps back, but everything they do to correct it he's accepting it. She said that we are taking it day by day and that the next 4 days are critical. So much better than the hours that I had in my head. While I know it could be hours it was nice to hear days.
I went from 98% hope to zero and now I'm at a more realistic area of about 60%. I know that's still probably too high, but I have to have that for my son. I'm not giving up on him and I will continue to fight with him. I'm back to pumping because it's what he needs and I have to do this for him.
Thank you for all the prayers and please continue them. I really feel God's presence right now and we are holding on to that very tightly.
Maggs
I decided that I needed to go be with him because he is so active and I want to see him like that all the time. The neurologist met us up there and brought back the hope. She is pleased with his lack of change because that means he's not taking steps back. He has had a few steps back, but everything they do to correct it he's accepting it. She said that we are taking it day by day and that the next 4 days are critical. So much better than the hours that I had in my head. While I know it could be hours it was nice to hear days.
I went from 98% hope to zero and now I'm at a more realistic area of about 60%. I know that's still probably too high, but I have to have that for my son. I'm not giving up on him and I will continue to fight with him. I'm back to pumping because it's what he needs and I have to do this for him.
Thank you for all the prayers and please continue them. I really feel God's presence right now and we are holding on to that very tightly.
Maggs
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Update on mommy
I met with a grief counselor today and I'll be talking to her some more tomorrow. I had almost enough courses to get a minor in psychology so I know that none of this is my fault. The only problem is that I feel like I failed. Well I feel like my body failed. It wasn't able to make an umbilical cord that would supply Aidan with all the nutrients he needed. I wasn't able to protect him all the way up until he was full term. I feel like I failed Chris because I couldn't do this one job and to give him a healthy son. Same with failing his parent's for not being able to give them a healthy grandson. But logically I know that there is nothing that I did wrong.
I am grieving the loss of my pregnancy because it ended so fast. I'm sad that I won't be able to hit those milestones that I've been so looking forward to. I'm also grieving the fact that our future kids will all have to be repeat c-sections and I really wanted the opportunity to deliver vaginally. While I am mourning these things I'm also so lucky to be able to go to the next floor to see this amazingly handsome boy that Chris and I created. Yes he's bruised and tiny, but my God I never imagined that we would have such a cute boy. Speaking of God, I am extremely calm right now. I know that is because of all of you praying for Aidan and God carrying us through this difficult time. It's been a very long time since I've had this feeling and to know that he is there for us right now is making this a little easier.
I've been asking what I'm supposed to do now since I'll be going home on Thursday (probably) and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I've been told to eat, sleep, pump and relax. I can eat and pump, but I haven't mastered sleeping and relaxing. There is a good possibility that my milk will be coming in within the next couple of days because of all the pumping I'm doing. It's nice to see that one part of my body is working.
I have more that I want to write, but my meds are really screwing with my head so I'll post another update tomorrow. I haven't deleted a single e-mail that I've received the past day and a half because they are all so helpful. So once again, thank you from the bottom of our hearts that you are pouring so much love and faith towards our son. I know that I will never be able to repay you, but it is so very much appreciated!
Maggs
1 day postpartum and feeling super crazy due to the meds.
I am grieving the loss of my pregnancy because it ended so fast. I'm sad that I won't be able to hit those milestones that I've been so looking forward to. I'm also grieving the fact that our future kids will all have to be repeat c-sections and I really wanted the opportunity to deliver vaginally. While I am mourning these things I'm also so lucky to be able to go to the next floor to see this amazingly handsome boy that Chris and I created. Yes he's bruised and tiny, but my God I never imagined that we would have such a cute boy. Speaking of God, I am extremely calm right now. I know that is because of all of you praying for Aidan and God carrying us through this difficult time. It's been a very long time since I've had this feeling and to know that he is there for us right now is making this a little easier.
I've been asking what I'm supposed to do now since I'll be going home on Thursday (probably) and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I've been told to eat, sleep, pump and relax. I can eat and pump, but I haven't mastered sleeping and relaxing. There is a good possibility that my milk will be coming in within the next couple of days because of all the pumping I'm doing. It's nice to see that one part of my body is working.
I have more that I want to write, but my meds are really screwing with my head so I'll post another update tomorrow. I haven't deleted a single e-mail that I've received the past day and a half because they are all so helpful. So once again, thank you from the bottom of our hearts that you are pouring so much love and faith towards our son. I know that I will never be able to repay you, but it is so very much appreciated!
Maggs
1 day postpartum and feeling super crazy due to the meds.
Update on Aidan
First of all I don't remember if I explained the spelling of his name in my first post. I was all set to spell it Aiden, but Chris said no I want it spelled Aidan because that is the Gaelic spelling and that was just too cute to listen to him say.
I spent a lot of time with Aid up in the NICU. He has some blood clotting issues and some other things. They have given him a few blood transfusion to replace the blood that they are taking out for getting samples. They are also giving him platelets and honestly I have no idea why.
They are very very impressed with his activity because he's constantly moving his arms or kicking his legs. This morning I got to see him open his eyes for the first time and they are the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. I have no idea what color they are, but they are amazing. We also got to see his peach fuzz hair, but have no idea what color it is. He is very bruised from delivery and the light therapy that he's getting make it nearly impossible to tell the color. All I know is that he is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. He knows my voice and my touch because his numbers improve a lot when he's holding my fingers. He also starts to kick more when he hears daddy's voice.
Now onto the problem. It's a good thing I have to type it and not say it because you would have no idea what I'm mumbling. Aidan has a significant pool of blood on the left side of his brain that is pushing some tissue to the right side of the brain. Tonight's goal is to make it to the next hour and then tomorrow morning they will take a CT Scan to know the full extent of it and what their course of action will be. We have the head of the NICU on our case and one of the best neonatal neurosurgeons working on Aidan. They can't even try to figure out how severe this is due to his amazing movement. Chris and I haven't really stopped crying since we had the meeting to discuss this and thankfully they allowed our parents to be in the room. The good news is that the pool looked to be the same size this afternoon as it was this morning so it isn't getting larger.
I'm sooooo blown away by the amount of love and support that we've received the past day and a half. We have more people praying for our little guy than I could ever imagine. If you don't mind, could you spare a few more prayers for him for the next 24 hours. Tonight is a very critical one and we need all the prayers we can get. Shortly we'll be making our way upstairs for bed time story.
Maggs
1 day postpartum
More on me in the next post, but I wanted to get all of his information written down before my pain meds make me forget again.
I spent a lot of time with Aid up in the NICU. He has some blood clotting issues and some other things. They have given him a few blood transfusion to replace the blood that they are taking out for getting samples. They are also giving him platelets and honestly I have no idea why.
They are very very impressed with his activity because he's constantly moving his arms or kicking his legs. This morning I got to see him open his eyes for the first time and they are the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. I have no idea what color they are, but they are amazing. We also got to see his peach fuzz hair, but have no idea what color it is. He is very bruised from delivery and the light therapy that he's getting make it nearly impossible to tell the color. All I know is that he is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. He knows my voice and my touch because his numbers improve a lot when he's holding my fingers. He also starts to kick more when he hears daddy's voice.
Now onto the problem. It's a good thing I have to type it and not say it because you would have no idea what I'm mumbling. Aidan has a significant pool of blood on the left side of his brain that is pushing some tissue to the right side of the brain. Tonight's goal is to make it to the next hour and then tomorrow morning they will take a CT Scan to know the full extent of it and what their course of action will be. We have the head of the NICU on our case and one of the best neonatal neurosurgeons working on Aidan. They can't even try to figure out how severe this is due to his amazing movement. Chris and I haven't really stopped crying since we had the meeting to discuss this and thankfully they allowed our parents to be in the room. The good news is that the pool looked to be the same size this afternoon as it was this morning so it isn't getting larger.
I'm sooooo blown away by the amount of love and support that we've received the past day and a half. We have more people praying for our little guy than I could ever imagine. If you don't mind, could you spare a few more prayers for him for the next 24 hours. Tonight is a very critical one and we need all the prayers we can get. Shortly we'll be making our way upstairs for bed time story.
Maggs
1 day postpartum
More on me in the next post, but I wanted to get all of his information written down before my pain meds make me forget again.
Monday, February 1, 2010
He's here! Please pray a lot for him
Aidan Christopher H was born at 4:44 pm on 2/1/10. He weighs 2 lbs and is 13 in long. I'm not comfortable putting his picture on the internet though.
Talk about interesting day! Chris and I got to my 8:30 appointment right on time (for once) I had an u/s since he didn't want to cooperate at the 20 week appointment. She said that he measured small, about 26 weeks, and that my dr would check everything out. Dr. B was concered and had me stay to be monitored for his heart rate. She wasn't impressed with it so I was sent to L&D to have a high risk ob monitor me. Basically he started to show signs of stress and they found out that the cord was restrictred and was pushing the blood back. Hence his small size. They determined that he needed to come out right now and would be better on the outside than on the inside.
I was all set up in the OR where Barb, my drug nurse, was amazing and really kept me calm. When she made the first cut Aidan popped his little hand out. :-) When he was born they had to jump start his heart for a moment, but that's all better now. He is on a resperator and a feeding tube. I'm pumping to start the process of getting my milk to come in. When he is strong enough they will start to feed him my milk.
He's a fighter and sooo beautiful! He was squeezing mine and Chris's fingers when we were visiting. I'm recovering pretty well. I'm pretty sore, but not in horrible pain. I had such an amazing amount of love and support through visitors and my e-friends. you have all been so amazing and I thank you! Aidan has a long road ahead of him and I'll be visiting him every day once I get released.
Maggs
Talk about interesting day! Chris and I got to my 8:30 appointment right on time (for once) I had an u/s since he didn't want to cooperate at the 20 week appointment. She said that he measured small, about 26 weeks, and that my dr would check everything out. Dr. B was concered and had me stay to be monitored for his heart rate. She wasn't impressed with it so I was sent to L&D to have a high risk ob monitor me. Basically he started to show signs of stress and they found out that the cord was restrictred and was pushing the blood back. Hence his small size. They determined that he needed to come out right now and would be better on the outside than on the inside.
I was all set up in the OR where Barb, my drug nurse, was amazing and really kept me calm. When she made the first cut Aidan popped his little hand out. :-) When he was born they had to jump start his heart for a moment, but that's all better now. He is on a resperator and a feeding tube. I'm pumping to start the process of getting my milk to come in. When he is strong enough they will start to feed him my milk.
He's a fighter and sooo beautiful! He was squeezing mine and Chris's fingers when we were visiting. I'm recovering pretty well. I'm pretty sore, but not in horrible pain. I had such an amazing amount of love and support through visitors and my e-friends. you have all been so amazing and I thank you! Aidan has a long road ahead of him and I'll be visiting him every day once I get released.
Maggs
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
