Monday, November 8, 2010

Talk about being called to go to Church

Chris and I are not normally church goers. We believe and our mind set is that we don't have to go to church to have a relationship with God. I've been feeling extra anxious the past few days even though I feel Nugget kicking all the time. So we decided to go to church.

WOW. We get there and the lady sitting in front of us has the book Waterbugs and Dragonflies. Most baby loss mom's know about this book and it was read during Aidan's service. I knew this was going to be interesting. The sermon was about what happens after death and a little bit of what it's like in Heaven. It just happened to be the day of the month/year where the church acknowledges those who have been lost this year. As soon as we were told that we could come up, light a candle and announce who we lost I broke out into a sweat. My heart started racing and I was feeling light headed. I knew that I had to go up and light a candle for my sweet Aidan, but how was I going to say his name without bawling? Chris was going to say Bud's name and we both knew it would be weird if he went up twice. Once to hold my hand and then again to light Bud's candle. So I took some deep breaths and stood up. Really, giving me a candle when I was already shaking wasn't a good idea. I managed to light the candle and place it in the tin bucket full of sand. Phew one step down one more to go. It was my turn at the microphone... the bright lights in my eyes made it a little less scary, but I was still afraid I was going to start sobbing. So quietly I said my son Aidan Christopher lastname and quickly walked away. Yay I did it! Once I got back to my chair is when I started to lose it. It wasn't a full on ugly cry, but crying none the less. Chris went up a few people after me and just said Bud lastname. I was so proud of him because if you know Chris, you know that he doesn't talk unless he's around a group of people he knows very well.

So yeah, it was a pretty amazing service and I'm so glad we went.

I love you Aidan Christopher and I'm so proud to be your mommy


  1. Our church did a remembrance this week too, but the priest read the names (so thankfully I didn't have that to do too). I did enjoy being able to remember Mikayla with others and I'm glad you got that experience for Aidan too.

  2. How amazing. Good for you for remembering Aidan.