Sunday, July 11, 2010

Is this healing?

2 days ago it was 5 months from when we lost Aidan.  I didn’t think about it until this morning.   When I realized that I “forgot” I freaked out. How could I forget the 9th? Then I thought well, maybe this is healing. I guess it’s better that I’m thinking more about his life then his death. I don’t have this sinking feeling that I’m a bad mom because I didn’t pay attention on the 9th. I never stop thinking about Aidan. Not a day has passed where I don’t beg and plead for him to back safe in my arms. 

My mom and I went to visit Aidster yesterday.  His big boy grass isn’t doing so well.  The entire month of June was big waterfall from the sky and July has been ridiculously hot so his grass has died. Can I be honest and tell you how morbid that is in a cemetery? It really is! I didn’t realize that I need to bring water with me to keep his grass alive. Anyway, his grave is very colorful right now. We put out flowers and a patriotic balloon last week. I kept saying over and over how pretty he looked. My mom reminded me that Aidan is a very handsome boy so of course his grave would be pretty.  God, I wish I was telling him that he’s so pretty and not his grave. Since that’s not the reality, I will continue to make sure that his grave his pretty and to tell him that every time I visit.

I love you Aidan Christopher!



  1. 5 months was tough for me. Happy you were able to go visit him. I continue to make sure my babies resting place looks nice. xx

  2. It does sound like healing. You're doing a great job and I'm sure Aidan knows how much you love him.

  3. I think I actually forgot one of Alexandra's anniversaries a couple of months back. I didn't realize it until a friend of mine sent me a text saying she was thinking of me that day. I also wondered if it was healing and couldn't believe I forgot! Glad you were able to visit!