1 appt down 24 to go

Nugget looked perfect today at my appointment. He was kicking the u/s wand the whole time and just being silly. The cord looks wonderful and so does my cervix. Nugget is a little porker, he weighs 15oz and his belly is still measuring a week ahead. In total he is measuring 4 days ahead, my belly however is measuring a week and a half ahead. It's weird because Aidan, until 28w, measured exactly and never ahead. It does help with the anxiety level, a lot actually. We didn't get very good pictures today, but that's because mr active, well very active. We did get a picture of his nose that is difficult to see, but when I saw the shot, I immediately saw Aidan. The first thing I saw before Aidan was taken up to the NICU was his button nose. So seeing Nugget's button nose was sweet, but sad at the same time.

I love you button nosed Aidan Christopher and mr active Nugget
Maggs
21w2d

21 weeks

 
Your baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot. You may soon feel like she's practicing martial arts as her initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to her activity as you get to know her better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now, and if you're having a girl, her vagina has begun to form as well. 

Yesterday my momma took me shopping and I got 5 new maternity shirts. I think she was getting tired of seeing the same shirts in all my pictures. :-) Well there is a 6th shirt that she ironed for me, but I'll be posting that next week. So here is my 21w picture in one of my new shirts...

Are you happy momma that I didn't cut off my head this time? I was up at 5:30 ( well actually 4:30) and decided to take a shower and do my hair so I could have a decent looking picture. :-)

Oh and for comparison here's what I looked like at 21w with Aidan

Maggs
21w1d

2 mini milestones

Okay just 1 mini one and 1 that just kinda makes me feel hmmmm. I don't know how to describe the feeling so I'm sticking with hmmmmmm

1. As of yesterday we 4 months until we meet Nugget. Again cord, it's written down so don't get confused and think it's time 11 1/2 weeks early!

2. There are 8 weeks to go until we've hit the point of when Aidan was born. That's obviously the one that makes me think hmmmmmmm.  My anxiety level is going up, but I'm coping with that.

So there are the 2 mini milestones.
Love you Aidan Christopher and Nuggs

Maggs

20 weeks

Baby's digestive system is busy creating meconium (a tarry black substance made of swallowed amniotic fluid, digestive secretion and dead cells), which will fill the first diaper after birth. And, speaking of the diaper situation... baby's genitals are now fully formed!<--------- yes they are and he's not afraid to show them!

Yeah it's a little late, but I looked weird in my other pictures. That or someone was getting ready to walk into the bathroom and I had to take the picture real quick. :-D

I love you Aidan Christopher and Nugget!

Maggs 
20w4d

Funeral was yesterday

Yesterday we said our last good-byes to Bud's body. One thing that helped me with Aidan was seeing him in the casket. He didn't look like the little boy I had stared at for 8 days. That helped again with Bud yesterday. Bud's casket was open for a lot longer than Aidan's was and I was just waiting for him to jump up and say psych. The body looked like Bud, but it wasn't the Bud I know. There wasn't a giant smile on his face like Bud always had. It helped with some closure.

So many people told Chris how much Bud loved him and respected him. "Little Bud" was thrown around a lot to let him know the depth. That touched Chris more than anything else. His daughter told me that Bud adored me and even though I knew that, it was nice to hear. We then got in line to head to the cemetery. That was the first time that I have been a part of it. If you know me personally, one of my ways of coping is with laughter. I kept telling the cars that had green lights that they couldn't go and to sit back and relax. I think that helped Chris also to be able to laugh. Bud is in a beautiful location in the cemetery. The sun was shining and as we were sitting/standing there the wind started blowing. It was like Bud was there with us at that moment.

It was difficult for me. I'm still grieving Aidan and I'm thrown back into the depths of grief for Bud. I know that I will come out of this on the other side again. This time I'm taking care of Chris and also trying to be there for Bud's family.

RIP Bud and thank you for everything you have given us.

I love you Aidan Christopher, Nugget and Bud
Maggs

National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  Please visit IAmTheFace.org to donate, upload a picture of yourself, and show support.  They are trying to get 2,000 pictures from 2,000 women who have experienced loss in order to represent the number of women and families who lose a pregnancy or infant every day. Yup, you read that correctly, EVERY DAY.

Tonight at 7pm, in all time zones, light a candle for anyone you know who has lost a baby. Even if you don't think you know someone, light a candle because there is a very good chance that you do know someone. I will be lighting a special candle for my Aidster and a candle for all the amazing mommas that I've met as a part of this awful club. Without the help of many of them I would be in a much different place. I hate that we have this bond, but I'm so thankful they are in my life.

I love you Aidan Christopher!

Maggs

RIP Bud

Last night a close family friend lost his battle with cancer. He was diagnosed in March with stage 4 esophagus cancer, so this happened fairly quickly. Bud went to the hospital Tuesday night and passed away Wednesday night at 8pm. Chris and I had a chance to say our good byes, but I wish I would have seen him while he was still conscious. I did most of the talking to Bud yesterday and told him that we love him and we’re so happy he was in our lives. Because of him we were given so many opportunities. Of course I will give back those monetary experience to have more time with him, but we all know that won’t happen.

Bud was a huge part of our support system and now he’s gone. Let me tell you, the 2nd huge loss in one year is not any easier.  It helps slightly that he’s not in pain anymore and lived for 66 years. He left behind a wife, 2 kids and grandkids. Then there is his work family that is struggling along with other friends and family.

I guess life after Aidan has taught me how to handle this type of pain. My little Aidster has a new buddy to play with and I know Bud is up there taking care of all of our babies.

Rest in peace Bud and know that we all love you and miss you so incredibly much.

I love you Aidan Christopher and Bud

Maggs