Lara's questions

Lara asked "Have you thought about how you'll tell Nugget about his big brother? Are you signing Aidan's name on Xmas cards?"

I've been thinking about how we'll tell Nugget about Aidan since day one. Well to be honest I've been thinking about that since we lost Aidan. Right now I have a "shrine" of Aidan on our mantle and I know that I will have to take that down. The last thing I want is for Nugget to feel second best. So going back to the question, kind of, we plan on putting up a picture of an awesome picture of Aidan's name that a friend took for me, hint it's the header of this blog, a picture of Aidan and a Guardian Angel quote over the crib in Nugget's room. I've already started telling Nugget about Aidan and will continue to talk to him about him. I want Nugget to always answer with "I have a big brother in heaven."  I don't want to overwhelm him though and think that he has to live up to Aidan's name. We will have to make sure to not cross that delicate line

I will be signing Aidan's name on some Christmas cards. For very close friends and family his name will be on there with a halo over the A. For the other ones, I plan on signing the Chris lastname family with a little silver angel. I can't not include Aidan, but at the same time I don't want to seem weird by including his name. We're also going to do a family picture to include and I will be holding a stuffed frog to include Aidan in the picture.

Some might say that I include him too much, but he's a part of our family. I know it's normal with elders who pass to not include them, but Aidan is a baby and babies aren't supposed to die. So there is no right or wrong way of how much he is included. No one has said anything to me to suggest that I'm doing too much, but I still worry that people think that. lol

Thanks for the questions Lara and I'll answer the other ones tomorrow. I've got another post that I need to get out today.

I love you Aidan Christopher and Nugget
Maggs

Optimus Prime needs some prayers

I pray every night for my PgAL mommas that this will be their take home baby. Optimus Prime is one of those babies right now and his Mama Prime needs to be in people's prayers. Yesterday she had some pink spotting and is terrified. She's too early for an u/s to see if everything is okay so the only thing she can do is rest, drink lots of water and pray. Thankfully she hasn't had any more spotting, well that is of like 7pm last night. So to all my baby loss moms, please keep Optimus Prime and Mama Prime in your prayers. 

I love you ALL

Maggs

23 weeks

Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With his sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now that he's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango), you may be able to see him squirm underneath your clothes. Blood vessels in his lungs are developing to prepare for breathing, and the sounds that your baby's increasingly keen ears pick up are preparing him for entry into the outside world. Loud noises that become familiar now — such as your dog barking or the roar of the vacuum cleaner — probably won't faze him when he hears them outside the womb. 

I had an appointment yesterday and everything went well. My little piggy is weighing in at 1lb 5oz. He was a little sleepy during the u/s, but everything is still looking great. The cord is still behaving and the placenta looks good. My cervix is nice and closed. Oh and he's still a boy!  My weight is still good. I'm gaining 1 lb every two weeks, which surprises a lot of people with the amount of food I eat. :-)


Maggs
23w3d

Questions

I've seen other bloggers do this so I'm going to open this up to my readers too. I know I'm pretty open already, but do you have any questions that you'd like me to answer? Of course I have the right to refuse to answer any questions that aren't appropriate, but again I'm pretty open so who knows.

If I don't get any questions, I promise my feelings won't be hurt. I'll just take it that I'm open enough that no one has any. :-)

I love you Aidan Christopher and Nugget

Maggs

Talk about being called to go to Church

Chris and I are not normally church goers. We believe and our mind set is that we don't have to go to church to have a relationship with God. I've been feeling extra anxious the past few days even though I feel Nugget kicking all the time. So we decided to go to church.

WOW. We get there and the lady sitting in front of us has the book Waterbugs and Dragonflies. Most baby loss mom's know about this book and it was read during Aidan's service. I knew this was going to be interesting. The sermon was about what happens after death and a little bit of what it's like in Heaven. It just happened to be the day of the month/year where the church acknowledges those who have been lost this year. As soon as we were told that we could come up, light a candle and announce who we lost I broke out into a sweat. My heart started racing and I was feeling light headed. I knew that I had to go up and light a candle for my sweet Aidan, but how was I going to say his name without bawling? Chris was going to say Bud's name and we both knew it would be weird if he went up twice. Once to hold my hand and then again to light Bud's candle. So I took some deep breaths and stood up. Really, giving me a candle when I was already shaking wasn't a good idea. I managed to light the candle and place it in the tin bucket full of sand. Phew one step down one more to go. It was my turn at the microphone... the bright lights in my eyes made it a little less scary, but I was still afraid I was going to start sobbing. So quietly I said my son Aidan Christopher lastname and quickly walked away. Yay I did it! Once I got back to my chair is when I started to lose it. It wasn't a full on ugly cry, but crying none the less. Chris went up a few people after me and just said Bud lastname. I was so proud of him because if you know Chris, you know that he doesn't talk unless he's around a group of people he knows very well.

So yeah, it was a pretty amazing service and I'm so glad we went.

I love you Aidan Christopher and I'm so proud to be your mommy
Maggs

OMG hold me 22w

I no longer have weekly fruits. It's just month ones. ::grabs paper bag:: I was so excited for this last time and now it's scary that I'm getting so close to 28w. I know it's just a fruit, but still kinda freaking out over here.

Watch what you say -- baby is now able to hear outside noise from down in the womb. Studies show that baby finds gentle music and your own voice most soothing. Nipples are starting to sprout, and that little face is fully formed. And, baby's starting to settle into sleep cycles, snoozing about 12 to 14 hours a day. It shouldn't be hard to figure out when -- just pay attention to those kicks as they start and stop. 

Technically this is 21w5d, but I love it. Below is 22w5d

I've been feeling really good. Nugget is extremely active and I love it. I honestly thought Aidan was extremely active until now. I felt him a few times a day and I already can tell Nugget's sleep cycle. I guess (well I know) it's from the anterior placenta that I had with Aidan. Chris has now felt and has seen Nugget move. He reads him a book about dump trucks, ice cream trucks, cement mixers and a couple other ones. It's about smashing and crashing things. Well after the first time he read it we just sat and watched my belly as Nugget rolled around in there. It was amazing! We never saw that with Aidan. I might have been able to, but I never thought I'd be able to see my stomach move that early. I thought you had to be in the 3rd trimester for more than a couple of days.


I love you Aidan Christopher and Nugget!
Maggs

9 months

Woah, how has it been 9 months already?

Aidan,

Hi sweet baby boy. I miss you pumpkin. I know you're up there playing with Bud and all of your friends. I so wish you were here with me, but it's getting a little easier every day. I still only look back on your short life and smile. Of course mommy gets sad, but that's because I miss what we could have had. I read Goodnight Moon to your brother last night. Daddy was taking Snoopy out for his late night potty so I decided to read it. When daddy came upstairs he found me sobbing on the bed. I loved our nightly ritual of reading that and once you were born I got to hold your hand while I read it. I miss that! People have asked mommy if it's easier to handle losing you because your brother is on the way. Same answer as always, nope. He isn't replacing you and I don't want to make my emotions a burden on him. I just tell everyone that I have two different sons who are two different people.

Guess what buddy. I met someone new today who I got to tell your story to. It always brings me so much joy to talk about you. She even said that you are such a handsome little boy. Oh and I have a huge favor to ask........can you give Caleb a giant hug for me and tell him how special it is to watch over his mommy while she cooks another baby? I know you probably already did. :-)

I love you Aidan Christopher!

Love,
Mommy